Ian Frazier, a very funny writer for the New Yorker, wrote an essay about the evil phenomenon of having a bad song stuck in his head every time he goes fishing. I also suffer from this malady, and currently I can’t get a particularly bad song out of my head, Eddie Murphy (the comedian, not the singer) and Rick James’: "My Girl Wants to Party All the Time" which was inserted there by my ten-year old son who was originally infected while watching a television song on the worst 50 Songs of All Time. It is so bad that I can’t fish for the time being.
Other songs which have slowly but surely driven me insane while fishing include the Police’s "A Doo-Doo-Doo, A Da-Da-Da" (which may not be the title, but which is what the irritating refrain has engraved upon my hypothalamus) and the classic chantey: "What Do We Do With the Drunken Sailor?" which originally infected me while I was a deckhand on the Nantucket Ferry 25-years ago and still comes back whenever it feels like it.
Fly fishing can be very monotonous and conducive to bad thought patterns. Even if you fish with a friend, it isn’t as if you’re standing next to each other discussing foreign policy. The prospect of hooking each other and fishing the same arc of water makes it important that you spread out just far enough that conversation is impossible. Infecting your friend with a bad song before setting out is very important, and is best done by playing a tape of CD of bad songs on the way to the beach. My buddy Bob still curses me for giving him a bad case of Springsteen ("Got a wife and kid in Baltimore, Jack..."), but the only way to remove a bad song from skipping perpetually in your head is to give it to someone else.
I think the metronomic casting patterns of fly fishing opens one’s brain channels to the possibility of infection. Stripping the line back in is also a repetitive act which softens up the grey matter for any mindless pattern. It’s only a matter of time before you start pulling some real musical dogs out of nowhere and playing them for yourself.
My other bad habit is chewing discarded pieces of tippet. I never have a clipper or nipper to trim the tag ends of my lines, so I use nature’s tool box -- my incisors -- and bite them off. The little piece that’s left stays in my mouth for the rest of the expedition, sticking out of my lips like a piece of hay out of the mouth of a farmer. I think I can understand why so many fishermen smoke, drink, and otherwise fall prey to all sorts of addictive behaviors. I need something in my mouth at all times, so better a piece of fluorocarbon than a Marlboro.
The sport can be horribly boring. Go on, admit it. I can. Fly fishing is an expensive, self-inflicted form of brainwashing. You stare at the Big Blank of the Ocean for a few hours, you are trying to trick something hidden under the surface into biting a fly that is also hidden under the surface. One piece of water pretty much looks like any other. One walks on beaches that stretch uninterrupted for miles in every direction, with no girls in thongs to take your mind off of the sand, sand, and more sand. Sure, you can try to liven things up by learning the names of the constellations (Look Ed, it’s The Arc of Trombone and if you follow it to the left you can see the Planets Xerox and Oleomargarine) but everyone agrees that people who show off by naming stars are either full of it or themselves.
The only relief is actually catching a fish. Someone described the sport as hours of monotony relieved by seconds of terror. Then there’s the days when you catch 100 bluefish and that, in itself, can also be like being forced to listen to a skipping record.
So, until next week, here's some reports from Cape Cod's finest. More guides and shops will be coming on line in the weeks to come. Right now, it's the people who are working the water the hardest, digging in before that old summer song starts driving them insane.